“I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to go.”

This was a text I received from a young man who had been on the streets for a couple of days after running away from his aunt.

While we were in Mexico over the summer, this young man had asked if he could pretend I was his mom. He was only 13, but taller than me, and loved to hug me, sit by me, and help me in any way. 

He felt the Spirit easily and would comment on the peace he felt when we’d have discussions about God and His love. He is the one who suggested we memorize “A Child’s Prayer” as a group after he heard the missionaries sing it

I love him dearly. I didn’t know how to help him. 

I considered driving the 12 hours to be with him and offer a hug, snack, and advice, but he was a runaway and the police were after him. I worried that it would look like I was helping him and I wouldn’t be welcome in Mexico if I was caught.

What could I do?

THE TWO OPTIONS

I tried to encourage him to go back to the orphanage or to turn himself in so that he would be safe. I worried that he’d get mixed up with gangs in order to find safety.

He was scared because he had ran away and he would be put in a detention center for runaways and troubled kids that orphanages would no longer take.

I asked around and confirmed that he was right. His fears were valid and his two options were 1) the detention center or 2) the streets.

I hated that these were his two options. What he needed more than anything was love. I had already seen that he worked hard, cared for others, and tried to do right, when he was feeling cared about. But neither of these options was going to give him what he most needed.

I told him that it was super hard, but that the sooner he faced his consequences, the better life would start to become. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would start to get better. But if he kept running, things would only get progressively worse. 

I reminded him of a similar conversation we had had at the orphanage and how good he felt after he had made the right choice. 

He told me he would do it. He was going to turn himself in right then. 

Next I heard, he was in custody and being questioned by the police.

And then I cried. And I prayed for him. I don’t know what his future holds. I do know that with a little love and guidance he would make good choices. I pray that he will find at least one good, caring mentor at this facility, and that he will turn to God in his time of need.

FEELING DESPERATE

As you can imagine, I felt a sort of desperation to get to Mexico, build our home/school for abandoned kids, find this young man, and have him come and stay with us. 

I pleaded with God, “I am trying to trust you and your timing, but what about this young man and the other kids I love and who are struggling? I know how much you love them. Why can’t we go yet? Why can’t we sell our home? Why are you not opening the way?”

 There is so much need. I know our efforts would only be like a drop in a huge bucket. But I have also seen the ripple effects of a single drop and I am anxious to start those ripples into the hearts of these kids I love.

As I continued to pray, I had moments and experiences (especially through music) over the weekend that reminded me that this is all in God’s hands.

I was reminded that all He needed from me is my willing heart and to do the small things He was already giving me to do. 

SMALL AND SIMPLE

I also remembered that I had felt inspired earlier to put my books on Amazon. It wouldn’t be much, but maybe it’s these small things that will open up the way.

It is a transformational book that has made an impact on many lives. I know the principles will bless you and your family.

You can purchase it here:

Purchase Book

IT'S NOT JUST OUR WORK

I kind of think that our house isn’t selling as fast as we had hoped because this work isn’t just supposed to be our work. I think God has bigger plans in store and is gathering more of us together to make a difference. 

I see this in a Charity Bazaar that a good woman named Noel is putting together on our behalf. If you live in Utah, you can come buy Christmas presents, treats, or decorations while helping us! 

Noel decided to do this before even meeting me. She heard about our cause and said, “I don’t have a lot of talents or money to contribute, but I can throw events!” And in the middle of her very busy Christmas season, she is inviting others to contribute their talents and putting this together for us. Angels on earth are real.

Learn more about the Charity Bazaar

ANOTHER TRAGEDY

As I was putting my kids to bed last night I got a text to inform me that another one of my young friends in Mexico had ran away. 

It hurt so bad.

I was really looking forward to seeing this young man in a couple of weeks. We were really close. While we were there over the summer, he had asked me how to really talk to God and had a great desire to get to know Him better. He had written me several notes to say he loved me.

We cuddled during movies, had many deep conversations, and he was always looking for ways to help me. 

He was also a kid who worked hard and would do anything for you, he just needed to feel loved so badly. I tried to show him as much love as I could, but then I left and I just had to hope that he would remember to turn to God when he felt alone. 

And just like that, he was gone. Would I see him again? The thought of losing him broke me and I cried in bed for a long time.

A HUGE TENDER MERCY

As I laid there crying into my pillow, another young man who used to live at the orphanage, sent me a text and asked me how I was doing.

I quickly turned to conversation over to him to see how he was. I didn’t want him to know how much I was hurting just then.

This young man wants to come help us when we have our school in Mexico going, so he asked me how the plans were moving along.  I told him we had a showing on our house the next day and that I hoped it would sell soon. 

He replied, “You will see that everything will turn out. God is on our side.”

I burst into fresh tears. He had no idea how much I needed those words right then. And I told him that. He said, “You will see, you have always told me that will God all things are possible. All can be made right.”

“You are right” I said. “Thank you for reminding me.”

He continued, “You are a person with a good heart and you can have faith, even when things are hard.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to wait,” I said, “But God never fails us.”

“I know.” He replied.

Did I mention that angels on earth are real?

"IT HURTS TOO MUCH"

I woke up at 3:30 this morning and laid in bed worried about my young recently-runaway friend again.

I cried some more and I told God, “I don’t want to do this anymore Heavenly Father. It hurts too much to love these kids and be so helpless as I lose them. All I have is a dream, and it’s pretty crazy, and it’s not doing much.

What do you want from me? Am I even on the right track? I don’t want to do this if it’s not from you. Am I looking beyond the mark and should I  focus more on being a mom to my own kids, where I can actually make an impact. I have a cold, a headache, and I can’t keep staying up at night over so many other kids. I need to be here for my own family.

A SWEET ANSWER

In order to try to get some rest, I put on a podcast (Unshaken Saints) that I had been listening to about the book of Malachi. It was nearing the end, but then I heard these words, just as I was dozing off: 

“It’s on us to allow Him to purge and purify us, we are gold and silver in His hands, if we will just let Him burn out the impurities… if we can start giving God the very best that we have: gathering Israel on both sides of the veil. We have a modern Malachi among us, President Nelson, pleading with us to prepare the earth for the coming of the King.

There is work to be done. May we not rob God of the time He has given us, the talent He’s given us, the blessings and gifts that He has so generously poured out upon us. May we offer them back in return. May we extend them outward to one another, especially the widows, and the orphans, and the strangers and the poor. 

I testify of a God who wants our heart, wants us to turn it to Him, so He can then turn it to one another.”

As you can imagine, I stopped dozing and I played that part again. The Spirit testified again to me that God loves these kids too. He is caring for them, and He is leading us to help in our small way.

I don’t need to fear for my friend (even though there is a hole in my heart that I believe is necessary in this process and will be there until I can find him).

I just need to trust that a willing heart, in God’s hands, can bring about miracles.