Internal Miracles

Since we are not currently in Mexico (we are in Texas trying to fundraise so we can get back), I haven't been writing a lot about the outward miracles we see.

However, there have been miracles occurring within me and our family. It seems we needed to learn a few things before moving on to the next phase in this work.

In Mexico, my conviction and desire to help youth without families fueled me. It gave me courage and energy to work hard under some pretty difficult challenges. But there was so much to do; many people needed help, and I was getting worn down.

In this state, I could not make the best decisions. Someone told me I was giving away all of my bricks, and was not keeping any to build for the work and vision in my heart. It was a pretty accurate description.

Being away for a bit, I am learning the importance of standing up for myself and protecting my voice, desires, needs, and spirit. The work ahead will be demanding, and I have to be whole in order to do it.

In case you struggle with some of these things too, here are a few of my weaknesses that I am learning to fortify [Continued on the Blog]

People-pleasing

I have the tendency to be a people-pleaser. I didn't think this was much of a problem... I just wanted to ease burdens and help people be happy. But it comes at a cost that I was not aware of before our experiences in Mexico.

Sometimes, I took away too much time and energy from what was important to me and the work I was doing in order to give it to what was important to others.

Loving our neighbor is a commandment. I am learning that this means that we love them with a whole heart. When I people-please, I fail to look at myself with compassion. When I don't have compassion for myself, I cannot fully love. I am now trying to only do the things I can do with a whole heart: having compassion for others while also having compassion for myself and learning to say "no" when others' priorities would take away time and energy from my own and the work I feel God wants me to do.

Fear of Rejection

I am learning that this is a very common problem for people with ADHD. Most of us have RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria), which means that perceived rejection feels extremely painful. I would describe it like a knife to the heart. Even small rejections can hurt for days.

Part of the reason I say "yes" to many requests is because I do not want anyone to feel rejected. Rejection hurts me so much that I do not want to cause that kind of pain to others.

I am learning to notice this RSD in me and to process the pain in a healthy way. Seeing rejection as an opportunity for growth instead of something to be avoided. In the pain, I pray for clarity and healing, say true things to myself like "I am loved just as I am by God," "I am just learning," "We are all just kids in God's eyes, toddling along, trying to do our best." "This hurts, but it will pass," "God has us all in His hands."

Realizing this rejection is a perceived threat, and not a real one, is helping me be able to say "no" with love, instead of saying "yes" to everything and dropping balls all along the way, becoming unreliable and unhealthy.

Boundaries

I thought boundaries were a man-made concept. Why would we want walls around ourselves? It sounded like a fear-based principle. I wanted to love without boundaries.

I have now learned that boundaries are standards we set that allow us to keep a soft heart. When someone treats me in a way that does not honor who I am as a daughter of God, and I allow it, I feel some resentment. This makes me harden my heart so that I do not have to feel these painful feelings. It is a form of self-defense. But a hard heart cannot love or be humble.

To protect my heart from these hardening feelings, I set a standard for what I allow into my heart. I do this by letting people know what I am not okay with and then standing up for myself if I am not heard. I am learning that this is what people call a boundary. In the scriptures, I see it referred to as a fortification or a breastplate.

For a long time, I believed deep down that other people's feelings ought to matter more than my own. I no longer believe this. I think everyone's feelings matter. They may not always be based on accurate information or truth, but they still matter and give us important information that should not be ignored.

Fast Paced Learning

Before leaving Mexico, God sent me two good friends who have been able to mentor me through these lessons.

I have had experiences here in Texas in which I have had to practice these qualities.

There have been SO many tears, but also so much healing in such a short amount of time.

I am overwhelmingly grateful for a Heavenly Father who rescues, mentors, and guides us to what we most need. I am grateful he puts people in our path who can teach us and the experiences we need to learn. He cares so much about each of us.

Mission Driven-Mom Interview

I had the beautiful opportunity to be interviewed by someone who has influenced me so much and whose impact I greatly value. You can listen to the interview on the Audrey Rindlisbacher Podcast. Please share it with your friends to help spread awareness of what we are doing to those who want to be involved in this work.

Event

We have a location for our Charity Bazaar. Please save the date and come do some Christmas shopping where all proceeds go to a good cause <3

With love,

Karen Bates

P.S. Please help us get back to Mexico to continue this work. We need 200 monthly donors (averaging $25 per month). We hope to reach this goal by January or it will be a lot harder to get back, since we will have to find a rental and car here in Texas. We are at 30 monthly donors right now. Will you help us reach 200?

Become a Monthly Donor